Is Silence Golden?

Audio By Carbonatix

Every year at Winning At Home, we celebrate couples who have been married 50 years or more. Why? Because those who have been married even 20 years understand what an accomplishment it is to reach 50 years! There’s a lot of wisdom that can be gleaned from these couples and shared with others. We call our celebration the “Legacy Luncheon” and it is a free event for all couples who have reached this milestone.

Couples who do stay married for a long period of time, however, may experience long periods of silence. I mean, after all, what is there to talk about after 50 years together? Sometimes, there is a lot to talk about and other moments there is a sweet, natural silence that many would call golden. But silence between couples isn’t always embraced. An awkward silence could signal that a relationship is in trouble.

Whether you’ve been married five or fifty years, when silence is uncomfortable it could mean you are struggling with communication. I know spouses who have held great conversations in their head about what they want to say to their mate and how their mate will respond. That dialogue, however, is never spoken out loud because of the fear someone has that their opinions will be ignored or their feelings will be rejected.

Silence might also emerge between two people who have grown apart or no longer share the same interests. It doesn’t have to be that way. It will take some time, but sit down and figure out what you can enjoy together and work to make it happen.

I also know a woman who experienced quiet in her marriage for a different reason. Her husband talked all day at work and preferred silence when he got home. She, however, had been home with the kids all day and couldn’t wait to talk with an adult. Their worlds collided. They needed to negotiate a compromise because she resented that he gave his best to his co-workers and had nothing left for her. On the other hand, she needed to carve out time to talk to other adults during the day and not rely solely on her husband to fill that need.

We have counselors at Winning At Home that help hundreds of couples every year get through difficult times. If you’re near West Michigan or Tampa Bay, Florida, you can reach out to our team. If not, you can look into local counselors in your area. There are books couples can read or retreats they can attend. So often, though, couples don’t seek help. There are the busy couples who don’t feel like they have time to care. There are prideful couples who feel as though counseling is a sign of weakness. And there are oblivious couples who are unaware of the problems surrounding their relationship. The shame of it all is that these couples end up living with an average or below average marriage.

Don’t let that happen to you. If there is silence that is everything but golden, I encourage you to address it and let your relationship shine more brightly.