In Agreement

Audio By Carbonatix

Everything should be perfect for a couple on their wedding day. Their love for each other is strong. They feel invincible and optimistic about their future. Everybody they love is celebrating with them. And although people have advised them that they will struggle in their marriage at times, on their wedding day they simply look into each other’s eyes and choose to believe that these things won’t happen to them. And that’s okay.

But as all of us who are married know, there will be struggles and disagreements in their future. While the struggles may involve circumstances outside of a couple’s control, like a major illness or poor decisions by other family members, the disagreements will be within their realm of control.

What have you and your spouse disagreed about recently? Perhaps you had to make a decision about something involving your kids and you couldn’t quite get on the same page. Maybe you both want to move to a new home, but you have totally different ideas about how many bedrooms you need and what kind of kitchen you want. One of the cars you are driving is acting up lately, but it’s paid off. It’s only worth a certain amount on a trade-in, and buying something newer will require a car payment. One person wants to buy a new car while the other one thinks you should hang on to what you’ve got.

These are all common areas of disagreement for couples. Your children are depending on your guidance for their future, so those decisions should be thought out very carefully. A house is a huge investment and you should feel comfortable where you live. A car is important for getting you from here to there, and it’s an area where safety and comfort shouldn’t be compromised. These aren’t situations that are easy to resolve when both spouses have strong opinions for good reasons. So, how do you resolve disagreements when each of you has sound analysis for your argument?

While these situations may sound trivial, they can be monumental when you are in the midst of them. It feels like you’ve reached stalemate. In the game of Chess, stalemate is the point where the person whose turn it is to move can’t legally go anywhere on the board. The game ends in a draw and there is no winner. When it comes to a disagreement in your relationship, don’t look to be a winner, but seek the best decision for all parties involved in the situation. If you don’t, then the issue just hangs over your head, and permeates everything else you do.

A friend of mine was in this situation recently, and he was really struggling with how to resolve it. He and his wife needed to make a decision about a major purchase and they were on opposite sides of the fence. He wanted to go through with the purchase, but she did not. While he felt strongly about his views and reasons, he recognized that his wife had some pretty good points too. In the end, he decided not to push for the purchase. He said he would rather be in agreement with his spouse than go through with the purchase. For the moment, it was the right decision. Two weeks later, they might both be on the same page.

As you face disagreements with your loved one, remember that it’s more important to be in agreement with your spouse than to be the victor.