Improve Your Family (Picture)

Audio By Carbonatix

We had a family picture taken a number of years ago when all of the kids were still at home, one of those professional ones so we could hang a big print in the living room. On the day it was taken, all six of us—in coordinating and wrinkle-free outfits—stood together on the beach while a photographer snapped away. We smiled, tipped our chins this way and that, wrapped our arms around each other, and did our best to appear casual. A few weeks later, we had several nice proofs capturing those awkward, yet utterly-photogenic family moments.

Our favorite picture could practically be a lesson in family dynamics. There we stand, arms intertwined, heads tilted toward the center, not a hair out of place, smiling our one-big-happy-family smiles. I’d be stretching the truth more than a little bit if I told you that’s how the Seaborn clan looks on the average moment of an average day.

First, there’s the issue of appearance. In our family picture, we all made an effort to be unified, close, and loving. We wore matching clothes. We leaned on each other. We smiled until our cheeks hurt. In addition to that, each one of us wanted to look our individual best for the photo. We all spent extra time getting ready for it. The girls stood just so, looking graceful and feminine. We guys puffed out our chests, trying to look strong and studly.

Most days, our family doesn’t look much like that picture. There are days when we don’t look anything like it. Sometimes we keep our distance. Sometimes we resist each other. Sometimes we are not smiling. The girls aren’t constantly graceful, the guys aren’t strong all the time. And, most of the time, the Seaborn kids would rather eat dirt than match the whole family. What you see inside the frame is not always what you get inside our home. Despite that fact, though, I’m thankful to say that there are times when the love and closeness in our family portrait is an accurate depiction of our family life.

There really are days when we lean on each other and smile and smile and smile. There really are days when we’re all together and we’re all happy. We aren’t always successful at it, but we do our best to make those days the norm. That’s what we want our family to be—in pictures and in life. Sadly, there are too many families these days who aren’t even working toward something like that. In some homes, if you were to take a snapshot at any point, it would never resemble anything like love, support, trust, or happiness.

Instead, there would be tears, doubts, hurt, brokenness, defiance, and longing. Arms would be crossed over chests. Heads would turn away. Faces would frown. It would be the kind of thing nobody wants to frame. Think about this for a moment: If your family’s daily interactions were put on display for the world to see, would they be something you could be proud of? Would they make for the kind of portrait that you’d hang on the mantle?

If not, I’d suggest that you try taking some of the advice I heard from our family photographer that day on the beach: Squeeze in. Get comfortable. Relax. Put a hand on his shoulder. Wrap that arm around her waist. Keep smiling. It might seem awkward if you’re not used to it, but when the proofs come back, you’ll have the makings of a great family.