4 Things That Might Surprise You about Gen Z Teens

1. They Don’t Like Their Phones as Much as You Think

The vast majority of Gen Z teens are aware that they spend too much time on their phones, and they feel guilty about it. However, putting the phone down or taking a break from technology is not as easy as it sounds. Smartphones and social media have become “digital oxygen” for Gen Z teens. It is not only how they communicate with friends (often multiple friends at a time), but also how clubs, sports, churches, and organizations share information. Updates regarding schoolwork can happen on an app. Social lives happen through screens. They have grown up in a system where digital communication is necessary to engage with real-world activities and relationships.

There is a generational expectation to be connected at all times, and this is especially important for friendships. Closeness in a friendship doesn’t necessarily mean the quality of time spent together, but the accessibility to one another. Close friends respond to each other immediately, whether it’s a text, snap, DM (direct message), FaceTime, etc.

A delay in communication, like being “left on read” (opening a message without giving an immediate response), can unintentionally cause drama and conflict. The delay in reading and responding can communicate apathy or aggravation to the original sender. It comes off as dismissive or withholding. This is one reason why a teenager in your life may have an intensely emotional or volatile response to immediately cutting off communication through their phone, an app, or even a video game. They do not have a chance to let the person on the other side of the conversation know what is happening, and the sudden silence can be misinterpreted as a sign of turmoil in the relationship. Real-life conflict can result from digital silence.

A little over half (55%) of Gen Z prefer in-person communication with their closest friends. Face-to-face is still important to Gen Z teens. It is not an either/or situation when it comes to phones and friends; it is a both/and.

2. They Want to Talk to You

Almost three-quarters of Gen Z want to go to older adults to ask questions and talk about important topics. It doesn’t feel like this because sometimes we aren’t communicating in the same way or same style. Think of it this way: if Gen Z is digitally native, their first language is digital. A digital native often prefers communication through a screen. They understand the “rules of engagement” and the cultural norms, taboos, and values of the digital space. This means that sometimes, speaking face-to-face, eyeball-to-eyeball, can feel like a second language. A Gen Z teen may feel embarrassed, vulnerable, or even incompetent in this kind of communication. That means when adults and young people have a conversation, at least one person is probably speaking a second language. Speaking a second language can make any of us feel awkward, uncomfortable, and misunderstood, so it is no surprise if these experiences creep into our interactions with Gen Z.

One question you can ask a Gen Z teen in your life is, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how well do I listen to you?” And then, be quiet. Do not defend or justify. This is not about how good of a listener you think you are; it is about how well this teen feels like you listen. Then, follow up by asking, “What would move that up one number or down one number?” This will help to identify how communication can change. This is understanding how to engage with cross-generational conversations. I talk more about this in my book, What Gen Z Really Wants to Know About God.

When I was growing up, there was a thing called “windshield time.” It was when important conversations needed to happen, and sometimes it was easier to have them in a car driving, when both parties are staring at the windshield instead of each other. Our smartphones may be the new version of the windshield. Sometimes our young people want to communicate with us through a screen. It may be uncomfortable or feel forced, and you might not be very good at it, but you are doing a kindness by being willing to speak your teenager’s language. And if it’s not through a text, or on a drive together, or sitting across from each other, maybe it’s writing in a journal and passing it back and forth. My point is—be open to different forms of communication in order to keep the conversation open. The Gen Z teens in your life want to talk to you more than you think.

3. Their Trust Is Not Cheap

Gen Z teens generally are not quick to trust you. They take a patient, wait-and-see approach to giving away their trust. Gen Z teens want to see if you are honest and kind, if you keep your promises, and if you gossip or are discreet. What they are really looking to see is if you are authentic. Are you who you say you are, all the time? Older generations might refer to this as having integrity.

Gen Z has grown up with curated social media feeds full of edited photos and docuseries sharing how institutions and powerful people misused others’ trust for selfish purposes and harm. For every fact Gen Z hears, they can go online or on social media to find the contrary. In 2023, TikTok was rated as the most authentic media by Gen Z. At first glance, we might scoff, shake our heads, and call Gen Z teens foolish because TikTok is full of false and misleading information, saying, “They should know better.” However, what Gen Z is really saying is that all media is so bad, so unreliable, and so full of misinformation that, of all the evils, TikTok is the least of the evils. Gen Z teens still recognize TikTok as toxic and inauthentic, just slightly less so than other media. Bottom line: they do not assume anyone is trustworthy.

This means we have a generation of young people who do not know who to trust or where to find the truth. They have learned to hold back their trust as a survival skill in a world that is constantly lying to them. There is wisdom in their approach, and if a Gen Zer in your life has given you their trust, understand that it is an honor. Their trust is precious, it is valuable, and they are not looking to squander it. Gen Z is patient with their trust, and we can learn to be patient in earning it.

4. They Need a Guide to Failure

Gen Z is coming of age in a time where there is no room for error. Cancel culture and social media culture have demonstrated to our young people that if they make a mistake, it will cost them relationally, professionally, and much more. They risk public shaming and rejection for not just saying the wrong thing, but for asking the wrong question. Their cultural moment demands perfection. Gen Z’s identity formation is deeply influenced by their accomplishments, achievements, and successes, as well as their mistakes, shortcomings, and failures. This means that failure is not just a bump in the road on the journey to becoming who they are, but a marker that defines who they are. That is one reason we may see risk-averse teenagers. If they try and fail, too much is at stake. In their generational context, failure is to be avoided at all costs.

We need to show our young people how to navigate failure. We need to share stories about small failures in our daily lives, all the way to the big moments of failure. We have to teach our young people not to be afraid of failure, but to learn how to become stronger through it. To help our Gen Z teens navigate failure, it must be broken down into concrete steps (like the YouTube tutorials they are accustomed to), touching on emotional steps, physical steps, spiritual steps, and intellectual steps. Talking about failure can help lift the fear, stress, shame, anxiety, and even stigma around it.

Gen Z does not have many, if any, public pictures of what navigating failure looks like. We can’t leave them alone, the loneliest generation in the U.S, to figure it out for themselves. Instead, we can walk with them and show them, and maybe even learn about our own processes!

These are just four things that might surprise us, but there are many more treasures to be discovered beneath the surface. The only way to truly see Gen Z is to listen to them and spend time with them. Allow our young people to teach us about who they are, rather than labeling them with who we think they are. I promise there are even better surprises that await!

Find Tanita's book, What Gen Z Really Wants to Know About God: Seven Questions About Life and Faith, here!

In What Gen Z Really Wants to Know About God, veteran youth worker and Gen Z expert Tanita Tualla Maddox presents a thoughtful and powerful guide for ministry practitioners striving to connect with this generation. Based on years of research and practical experience, Maddox's book provides insights into the seven key questions Gen Z is asking about life and faith, offering actionable advice tailored to their values and worldview.

This book goes beyond just answering questions―it explores how to translate the unchanging truths of the gospel into Gen Z's cultural context. Through reflective wisdom and practical tools, Maddox equips ministry leaders to meet Gen Z where they are and disciple them toward a vibrant, sustainable faith.

This book is designed not only to answer questions but also to equip ministry leaders to apply its insights across various ministry settings, making it an essential resource for youth pastors, campus ministry leaders, seminary students, and even parents. What Gen Z Really Wants to Know About God bridges the gap between generations, empowering leaders to engage with the next generation of believers in impactful and lasting ways.